In the old country, where Judaism is not [a matter of] politics, or a business, and where it is not a bluff, I have only heard two eulogies: one funeral oration about the rabbi of Kaunas [Lithuania], Rabbi Isaac Elchonon, blessed be his memory, and the other about Mr. Mordecai Gimpel of Rosanow [Poland], blessed be his memory. I heard no more eulogies until I came to Germany, where Judaism has been strongly Germanized and strongly Christianized, and where the Reform rabbis reign, aping everything that the Christian priests do. In Germany, everybody is entitled to a eulogy: a saloonkeeper, a pool-room magnate, a fine man, or anybody at all, including the Jew who attended the High Holiday services in the synagogue regularly--he is certainly entitled to a eulogy. Such is the custom of the Gentiles and such is the custom of the Reform Jews.

When I came to America I discovered that the Orthodox rabbis here also engage in the business of delivering eulogies and that not only the Reform rabbis, but also our own so-called rabbis "sell" funeral orations like hot cakes and 2have fixed prices for them: a funeral oration for a common laborer costs from three to five dollars; a eulogy for a merchant or broker, ten to fifty dollars; for a banker, forty to one hundred dollars, etc. There is no fixed price for journalists, however, because journalists do not allow themselves to be eulogized. They are not to be bluffed while they are alive, nor are they to be bluffed after they are dead.

Not long ago, the famous Jewish journalist Ansky died. Realizing that in Warsaw [Poland], there are also Americanized rabbis, he stated in his will that under no circumstances were there to be any eulogies delivered for him. I do not know of a single instance where a prominent Jewish journalist has asked specifically in his will that a eulogy be delivered. If a rabbi who is active in the eulogy business, were to stand and deliver a eulogy for a journalist, the latter would rise in his coffin and say to him: "Whom are you bluffing and why are you uttering lies in the World of Truth?"

As a result, our colleagues do not allow themselves to be duped, even when 3they are dead. But all other Jews....thinking that God can be fooled and that a five- or ten-dollar eulogy by a so-called rabbi will make them more comfortable in death--permit themselves to be eulogized....

In short, the eulogy industry is so strongly "developed" in America, that no person with a little self-respect can permit himself to be eulogized after death because for the [same] five or ten dollars, the rabbi will deliver a eulogy for a junk thief, a real-estate man, a miser, a philanthropist, and when a eulogy becomes something that can be bought and sold, a beautiful soul cannot endure it.

In Chicago, one of the great rabbis--the greatest rabbi of the largest synagogue--has a steady agreement with one or more funeral contractors and corpse impresarios, that as soon as a deceased arrives, he is to be called--and then he will make the funeral toast.

And it came to pass that a corpse was brought into the chapel and the funeral contractor, being faithful to the agreement with the great rabbi, called him at once and informed him that there was a customer and that he should come to shed five dollars' worth of tears. It happened that the rabbi was not at home, and the mourners, who are, of course, very busy, did not care to wait, so they asked the undertaker to call up another rabbi, and he did so. The other rabbi came, stated his price and immediately began to shed tears for five hundred cents.

In the meantime, the great rabbi came home and was informed of the call from the undertaker. The great rabbi left at once for the chapel to do his job. But when he arrived at the chapel and saw a scab doing the job, he began to argue with the undertaker in the middle of the funeral oration:

"What do you mean by giving my job to somebody else?

The undertaker became very angry and said to the great rabbi:

"Why are you so angry? What have you lost by coming here? Here is your eight cents carfare, and go in good health!"

And this great rabbi speaks of the glory of the Torah.....

Once, on a Sabbath, I visited a rabbi in Chicago and talked to him about strengthening the Torah and Judaism. Suddenly, the telephone began to ring. The rabbi did not answer it. The telephone continued to ring, and the rabbi still did not answer it. But just for spite, the telephone continued to ring. The rabbi was unable to control himself and walked over to the telephone. He took the receiver off and said angrily:

"I do not converse on the Sabbath over the telephone--and on the Sabbath, I do not speak of business, but if the funeral is to take place Monday, it will cost ten dollars--" and he hung up the receiver in anger.

"I told them, and they ought to know that I do not conduct any business on the 6Sabbath; but you might as well talk to the wall as talk to them," said the rabbi, and he continued to speak of the glory of the Torah.....

"My salary is small," a rabbi once told me," but thank God, I am kept busy. I had five funerals, two weddings, and three dedications of monuments this week. Last week I had nine funerals, eight dedications of monuments, but not a single wedding".

And the eulogy industry flourishes. Naturally it thrives during the period of the flue, when doctors and eulogy manufacturers are very busy.

When rabbis are busy making funeral orations, dedicating monuments, attending political meetings, and holding important rabbinical conferences, which last for hours and discuss only one important question: how to get rid of me, or how to obtain funds for a new Jewish newspaper, then--then thirty-nine thousand Jewish children must run around in Chicago without a Jewish education; then 7Chicago Jews must eat nonkosher food, and hundreds of Jewish children must run to missionary houses, while at the same time, Rabbi Ephraim Epstein wants to become the head of the Chicago rabbinate.

I have undertaken to destroy the funeral-orations business in Chicago, to ruin the monument-dedication industry, and to compel the few rabbinical politicians either to become true rabbis, or to go to the City Hall and there accept political jobs.